The Unusuals - “One Man Band” (S1.03)
You may or may not remember The Unusuals as that one-season cop show which featured Jeremy Renner. Personal opinion: It’s okay, but it’s not like, great. I was hoping for better.*
I will forgive this show pretty much anything because of “One Man Band” (S1.03). The episodes are an hour long, and I think we spent more time pausing and zooming on the set they staged for The Murder Store than we did actually watching it.
Oh my god, you guys. If you do nothing else—if you watch nothing else from this show—check out the staging for “One Man Band.” There’s a section marked “
Cereal Serial Killers” in the store. The little bottles of poison have dosage instructions and “discard after” dates on them. There are tear-tag fliers up for freelance corpse-incineration services. I mean, the techs went tits-out and balls-to-the-wall on this one.
*Though we did have a conversation that kind of illuminates the eternal tension of watching anything in our house. “Look, it only got one season. If it’s not that great, that’s it. You won’t feel weirdly compelled to keep watching it season after season until it starts offending every reasonable bone in your body.” “Wait, but what if it’s awesome? And now we know it only got one season? You’re handing me Pandora’s Box on disc, is what you’re doing. There’s no way to win here.”
Jack: “I suspect that Dr. Hannibal Lecter may be withholding pertinent information involving a murder investigation.”
Dr. Du Maurier:*you don’t say*
Jack: “It’s not that I think Dr. Lecter’s dangerous. I don’t.”
Dr. Du Maurier: *do go on*
Jack: “I’m Will’s friend, too.”
Dr. Du Maurier: “It seems like Will could use more friends like Dr. Lecter.”
Jack: *I may have had that coming*
(Hannibal S1.12 “Relevés”)
(Hannibal S1.12 “Relevés”)
Okay, so Freddie Lounds. Terrible, horrible, no-good human being. Tick on the underbelly of society. Probable sociopath. Incredibly annoying character. You know, like whenever she opens her mouth, you’re just sitting there like “OMG BITCH RUN JUST RUN DON’T LOOK BACK HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HORROR MOVIE YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY MURDERERS RUN UNTIL YOU DON’T HAVE LAND LEFT TO RUN ON AND THEN START SWIMMING JFC THAT’S NOT VINAIGRETTE ON YOUR SALAD THAT IS A REDUCTION OF HUMAN STOP ANTAGONIZING THEM AND RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN.”
Hey, guys. Can we talk about how Fascist Brain-frying Superman’s lobotomy spree included the goddamned puppet? Because I’m still delighted by it.
Poison Ivy? Zapped. Joker? Zapped. Two-Face? Zapped. Wesker vs. Scarface? He doesn’t even fucking bother zapping Wesker. Wesker remains unzapped. He just goes straight for the dummy and calls it a day. Like, the same effect could have been achieved with a magic marker and some convincing lightsaber noises.
(Justice League S2.12 - “A Better World Pt 2”)
Watching Crisis on Two Earths
Johnny Quick: I’m Australian!
Ultraman: You disrespecting me? I will murder you.
Superwoman: gunshot gunshot gunshot cash register noise
Owlman: What? No. I’m going to blow up the multiverse. Duh.